G2 synth jokes

deknow · Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 9:37 pm Post subject:

q: why are the photos on electro-music showing up the wrong size?
a: because the software is run-a-mosc (sorry howard)

q: when must the note scaler be used?
a: when you want to tun(e)-a-fish (sorry everyone)

apologetically,
deknow

Tim Kleinert · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:20 am Post subject:

Q: What do you call a VCA on a tightrope?
A: A balanced modulator.

Q: What's the favourite module of lazy mountain bikers?
A: The highpass filter.

Q: Why do G2 logic circuits make for bad shoe stores?
A: They only have flipflops and you have to cue at the binary counter.

Antimon · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:29 am Post subject:

otoskope · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:37 am Post subject:

A few more...

Q: What's the similarity between Dick Cheney and a randomly modulated panner in the middle of your solo?
A: They both send the lead in the wrong direction.

Q: Why would you think Dick Cheney is a G2 owner?
A: He seems to be using the random trigger.

Q: Why is the G2 forbidden in China since January?
A: The Patch Mutator produces too many children.

Q: Why did my G2 crash when fed John Cage's 4'33" into the audio inputs?
A: The note detector fell asleep.

Q: Why is the early bird musician's music to inharmonic?
A: He starts composing by 6 AM... Rolling Eyes

Q: Why you shouldn't make music with your G2 at night...
A: It gets bad by 1 AM, after 2 AM it's completely inharmonic. It really adds up, and that makes a difference... Embarassed

Q: Why can't you make any smooth transitions in your G2 anymore?
A: Clavia is a Winter Olympics sponsor - they gave all the glide modules to The Swedish cross-country skiing team.

Q: Why are those fat bass sounds so rare these days?
A: The oscillators have gone up a few cents, so nobody can afford them.

/Palle

ian-s · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:54 am Post subject:

Q. What sort of colour do G2 filters have?
A. Pastel

Embarassed

otoskope · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 3:09 am Post subject:

Sorry, this one is really bad:

Q: What do a castrate singer and a HP filter got in common?
A: They both got a cutoff in the lower range.

Q: What's the smartest G2 module?
A: The high-pass filter. It is so bright!

The self-confident G2 street musician says:
-Bypassers make no difference to my sound.

Emotional music: sound affects.

If you find my latest sound effects unbearable, you probably need a bypass operation.

Q: Why do they sell so many G2s in Las Vegas?
A: B'cause they like brightly colored slot machines with many blinking lights.

Q: Why doesn't the G2 pose a threat to the world economy?
A: There are no global effects.

Q: Why do you never use 24dB filters in your patches?
A: I'm an acrophobian, and the slope is too steep.

or...

Q: Why do the acrophobian's music sounds so dull?
A: He's afraid of the highs.

Q: Why should you stay away from the wave wrapper?
A: It'll only cause you treble.... Embarassed

/Palle

Tim Kleinert · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:56 am Post subject:

...man, what did I kick off Shocked

...

seraph · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:16 am Post subject:

elektro80 · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:24 am Post subject:

General Elektrick · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 10:29 am Post subject:

Q What is inherited to the children of g2 users?

A The clock gen

mosc · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:39 pm Post subject:

elektro80 · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 1:05 pm Post subject:

I am sorry, but you did figure out this other bug in the same mod within seconds after it was first reported?

Shocked

mosc · Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 1:10 pm Post subject:

Within seconds - true, in Krellian time: 1 second = 3 months... Wink

cappy2112 · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 12:28 am Post subject:

cappy2112 · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 12:30 am Post subject:

cappy2112

cappy2112 · Last edited by cappy2112 on Thu Feb 23, 2006 8:20 am; edited 3 times in total

Q.

What is the favorite Beatles song by Clavia programmers?

A.

Loose_C()
{

int disguise;

with (Diamonds)
{

}

}

Well, I'm not so good with one-liners, but here are some limericks

While writing code for module Vocoder,
Solder flux made for a strange burning odor,
Played "I Feel Love" by Donna Summer, we've got to finish by the summer,
but, we'll never be famous as Moroder.

Sounded "Clavia", "Coffee", and "Stroopwaffel",
Are patches from Kees van der Maarel,
Downloaded by the leeches, whose patches sound like screeches,
But they could not keep Bush out of a "Quarrel"

One Christmas Wout gave us FM Bells,
A very cool gift I must tell,
Can we repay the favor, with a patch of a Light Saber,
The FM patches were sorted by Blue Hell.

While waiting impatiently for the Mutator,
We wondered if Clavia was a traitor,
And then came the day, G2 users spawned new DNA instead of surfing for T&A,
And their children did sound like alligators.

While tweaking a patch WAY out-of-tune,
Sounds emerged like creatures from Dune,
The cutoff was off-kilter, inside the tilt filter,
and Harkonen began to howl at the moon.

(were you really exepecting me to try rhyming with Bene Geserit?)

northstar · Joined: Jan 19, 2006 Posts: 35 Location: Vienna/Austria/EU

Bruuuhaaaa!

I should contribute with a good one but right now I think I'm laughing to death and my neighbor 's about to call the police due to my loud laughter!

Thanx tim, thanx Fozzie and thanx otoskope!

BTW, I like that avatar of yours, tim. I've read in another thread that you're switching to real analogue modular stuff. I do hope you will keep on joining us in the forum nevertheless!

And dasz, that R2G2 is very nice too. And watch out: that new R2 G2 generation got very comfortable mod and pitch sticks at both sides! Wink

Please stick to that design, Clavia! I would certainly buy it the very first day after release. At least that instrument wouldn't bother me carrying it and I recon it is able to carry my other musical stuff as well and to replace the (non -existant) roadies! As always: a creative concept by Clavia. ...and the girls will love it on stage! Wink

northstar

mosc · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 1:55 pm Post subject:

elektro80 · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 2:48 pm Post subject:

dasz · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 3:00 pm Post subject:

Thanks mosc for fixing this! thumright

/Dasz

Tim Kleinert · Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:42 am Post subject:

Q: Which G2 editor update feature would help Clavia launch into the online dating business?
A: The Match Putator.

Funky40 · Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 11:05 am Post subject:

Q: Why the G2 engine is so sexy ?

A: it is naked

dasz · Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:37 pm Post subject:

howard, I just re-uploaded the r2g2.jpg to test your fix for image scaling. It works fine.

bug DZ-EM1.1 closed(verified) -- Wink

/Dasz